Tracey, Sit Down, Shut Up, and Listen.
I thought I would tell myself to do it first because it is considered rude to tell people to shut up. Mostly I hear people say, ‘stop talking.’ But when you have been acting like a nut sometimes you need someone to come and grab you by the shoulders, shake you real good, and tell you about yourself. I’m not saying shut up to be mean or crass. I am saying it in the manner someone might when they are so tired of hearing all the yimmer-yammer about all the things you say you are going to do but never do. All the things you say you want, but don’t seem to ever get around to taking the actions required to manifest them. The record gets scratched from playing that same old song and hearing it one more time makes a person want to scream! So it’s shut up in a good way.
We talk too much. Women talk too much. Men talk too much. And kids too. They talk too much. I say this, because there is a need to balance our talking with listening and gaining understanding. How many times have you been having a conversation and realize the other person is not listening? How many times have you ignored your own intuitive voice and drowned it out with your own internal chitchat? It took me a long time to understand this, but I have learned to listen so much better. I’ve learned to glean and gather information. When you are quiet, you are in a position to grow. When you are talking, you are in a position to show. I was chatting with my sister on the phone today, and she had a pretty funny scenario to share. And it was funny. It was ooooo weeee funny! But before I knew it, I skipped my happy, practical self on over to the life lessons category, and this category was not invited to this conversation, nor welcome. She called me out. I told her, “I really need to talk less.” A conversation is not always an invitation to share your opinion. I’m sure some might say that if you don’t want my opinion, stop bringing up conversations. Conversations are, in fact, a dialogue, not a monologue. I know this. But sometimes I take the bait. And believe it or not, it is not that hard to shut up. She explained how I hosed down her light banter with my mini-lecture, and I immediately saw the error of my ways.
But the person it has been hardest to quiet is me. In the past, I had a tendency to regard other’s feelings as more important than my own. I shied from saying anything that could sound critical, bossy, accusatory, or maybe just truthful. I didn’t want to hurt anyone or make them feel diminished or embarrassed. But when it came to my own self talk, I could let it rip. I didn’t care how I hurt myself. I didn’t regard my own feelings. I didn’t see the aftermath of me treating myself badly. I didn’t see the harm I caused my psyche by degrading incessantly no matter what the topic—no matter how hard I tried. And the worst part is that while listening to the chatterbox, I did not listen to myself.
I was so engulfed in self chatter and sidetracked by trying to fix myself that I never really just sat down inside myself and listened to what team Tracey thought about all of this mess going on unchecked inside me. I talked back sometimes. But I now know that I wasn’t serious. I wasn’t convincing. And I wasn’t consistent. I stored the thoughts and emotions in my body. They wreaked havoc equivalent to the results an abusive relationship would.
But as I unraveled the mess I allowed to happen,
As I diligently quieted the chatter,
As I consistently embraced the authentic me,
As I accepted my imperfections and became less consumed by them,
As I found kinder, yet honest ways to address others and myself,
As I honed my grace,
As I sat down, quieted myself and listened.
I broke from the tight fitting, uncomfortable cocoon I’d remained in for far too long.
Teddy Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” To me this says that the more we desire to have it all, the less we feel we have. Most self-talk is concocted by comparison. This concoction can steal our lives if we let it, because we can wake up one day and realize we are living someone else’s life. While ours is on standby backstage waiting for its opportunity.
When comparison starts its next conversation with you, don’t engage. Or better yet, tell your inner chatterbox to shut up, sit down, and listen to what you have to say.
How do you handle your inner chatterbox?
In what ways are you your own worst critic and how do you resolve that?
Love and Peace,
Tracey Alexandria Lynch
Photo Credit by David Bartus from Pexels