Practicing the Art of Forgetting
There is no good reason to remember everything. We all know intelligence is based on memory. The ability to remember words, phrases, patterns, sequences, formulas, and experiences has been key to survival and mastering just about anything. But we have evolved to an instantaneous culture of answers. We don’t have to argue and debate so much. Our friends Siri and Alexa are always there for us, remembering everything in the entire world — except what is important to us.
I can envision a world where school is an option. I can envision a world where we no longer need to learn how to read or calculate. In this world we will only need to know how to make commands. We won’t sign our names anymore. Our cars will read road signs and react for us. We won’t have to remember. Part of this might suck, but part of it might be a good thing.
Imagine running through the airport with your backpack to get to your gate. The cabin door is closing in five minutes. You are light. You easily make it on to the plane with time to spare. Now imagine you are making your way through JFK with the same backpack. In addition, you’ve got two rolling bags, a duffle, and your friend’s luggage too. There are no carts available. You are running late. You refused to check your bags. You didn’t tell your silly friend that you cannot possibly carry your own luggage, let alone theirs, which is their own burden to carry.
This is how remembering is to me. It’s like a ton of baggage taking up space that I could be using for something else. It is like traveling through life burdened down — all because of the decision to carry or not to carry your past into the future. I am not even that good of a rememberer in the first place. I think my brain protects me by choosing to remember the feeling of a situation instead of the details. Yes, I can remember back to being in my high chair. I remember our small white refrigerator, my tiny rocking chair with the purple cushion. I remember dancing to Al Green on Soul Train on my 6th birthday, my brother almost drowning, my first time on a plane, my narration of my 1st grade play, my baby sister coming home for the first time, the first music I ever cognizantly heard. BUT. My brain takes out trash.
There is an artful beauty in choosing to forget. That which my brain has not already selected to forget, I train to forget because most memories are useless. A large percentage of memories are unkind thoughts we have about ourselves. We remember bullies, people who spoke unkindly to us, the worst about people, the worst about ourselves, the worst about our world. We wear a badge the ego loves to see because it says the more we remember and the more we suffer, the more things or people must matter to us. This is a trick.
I didn’t cry at my mother’s funeral. I’d loved her and looked after her. We’d lived the span of our lives we were destined to share together. She was suffering and I was glad she was free. Not glad she was gone. But I had already cried, then grieved and accepted her departure. And by letting all of the suffering go, I am better able to know her now than I did when she was alive. This is a miraculous benefit of choosing to forget.
This week I had to give my brain a refresher. There is a scripture in the Bible where Paul says that he is forgetting what is behind him and pressing on toward the mark of his higher calling. So I have gently and repeatedly mantra-ed that to my psyche this week whenever the past rears its head to judge or compare me to others, or bring up my failures or mistakes… I just say, “I am forgetting the past and pressing on. I am forgetting the past and pressing on.”
You cannot move forward if you are constantly turning around to re-examine the past. There is no joy to be had in those turns, typically only misery. I want a different and powerful future for myself that is built on who I am today. I want to nurture the thoughts that matter in order to create a higher vibration that manifests dreams. So out with the trash.